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Contact: Family Resource Department (info@php.com), Tel: 408 727-5775 |
Mentor Visiting Parents (MVP's) are also known as Mentor Parents, Visiting Parents, Parent Partners, Buddies, Pals, Advocates, Pilot Parents, Support Parents and many other such names across America and around the world.
They are experienced parents, often called "veterans", who provide parent-to-parent support to other parents who have children with similar special needs or are experiencing a difficult situation. This situation could be the birth of a child with a disability, a parent going through divorce, or a child having problems in school.
These mentors share their experiences and help provide resources and referrals to other families. They are peer counselors. They are the key elements in a parent-to-parent program.
I do not know the source of the following statement, but I believe it is one of the best definitions of mentoring that I have seen:
"Mentoring directs a novice through a safe, emotionally supportive environment that fosters learning and independence."
Parent-to-Parent Matches
The Mentor Visiting Parent (MVP) component of Parents Helping Parents (PHP) is the major reason for which the organization was formed. By this method, new parents (and/or old parents with a concern about their child) are matched with a veteran parent. They will have a one-to-one friendship and peer counseling relationship with someone who has been in a situation very similar to their own.
Whenever possible, the client is matched with an MVP whose child has the same disability, illness or concern, and who lives nearby. Some disabilities are so rare that it is impossible to find a parent with an identically diagnosed child, so a similar disability is matched locally, and an identically diagnosed match is searched for nationally or internationally.
Parent-to-parent programs are used for parents of all age groups, with any disability, illness or issue that families face. Mentors work well in many types of situations where one person can benefit from the guidance and experience of another. In family support programs these mentors can work just as well for a single mom concerned about her son's involvement with drugs or gangs, as for a mom concerned about services for a son who is retarded.
As a mentor parent, you are parents who have their own feelings and situation under control. They are having a positive experience handling their lives and their children. They will visit or open their doors to other parents who might need:
- Information
- Service referrals
- Resources
- Role models
- Confidence
- Emotional support
- Choices
MVPs serve mainly as role models and friends, supplying information and supporting the family as needed, thus reducing the family?s stress and letting them make their own best decisions. An atmosphere is created in which this decision-making process can most effectively take place. This parent-to-parent contact is one of the eight key elements of family-centered care that professionals are asked to promote.
Parents interested in being MVPs are encouraged to take PHP?s three-hour peer-counseling training program. If they do not have time for this training at the time of their interest, they can be okayed by PHP staff who can vouch for their qualifications. However, they are required to review PHP's Dos and Donts List (see Appendix 11) for Visiting Parents and read the training manual.
Appendix 11: DOS AND DONTS LIST for Mentor Visiting Parents (Peer Counselors) - Things to Do
- Let the family you are talking to direct the conversation. Encourage them to express their concerns and questions.
- Be open-minded and accepting of their feelings and attitudes.
- Be a good listener.
- Confidentiality is a must.
- Acknowledge and talk to and about the other children in the family.
- Ask about the other parent and how he or she is doing if they are not present.
- Ask the parent how he or she is doing. In particular, ask about how the mother is recovering from the birthing process.
- Act as a friend and share similar feelings, fears, apprehensions etc.
- Boost morale and self-image, e.g. comment on positive steps they have already taken.
- Tactfully relate your own positive experiences, but let them find their own solutions.
- Inform them of support services related to their child?s disability, but don?t overload them with information at first as they may feel threatened.
- Give them the basic PHP information packet to keep and use as the need arises. Encourage them to start a file in one place for the child?s records and papers.
- Encourage parents to take time out for themselves, with a view toward balance in caring for and meeting the needs of all the family members.
- Agree with them, if they say, that this is a terrible thing that has happened to them and their child (not that the child is a terrible thing).
- Find something about the child that lets you make a positive or complimentary statement (curly hair, great skin, sleeping well, crying - has good lungs, etc).
Things Not To Do
- Do not try to psychoanalyze.
- Do not give medical advice.
- Do not try to give final answers or solutions. You may tell them what you have done, but let them reason things out. You may try to present various alternatives.
- Do not overpower them.
- Do not criticize professionals, agencies, or institutions of care. You will of course listen patiently to them if they complain or criticize. Then you may say something like: you are really upset about your last visit to the doctor; or, I can understand how upset you must be. These are acceptable neutral comments; you are not attacking the service provider.
- Do not ?dump? your problems on them. (If you are having a rough time call your MVP or call PHP and talk to Family Services). Do not accept an assignment if things are ?hectic? for you at the time of the call.
- Do not take on their problem. You are there to help them by being a good listener as they talk about and come up with possible solutions for their problem. You may suggest referrals and resources that can help them. These actions let you reach out and help the family without directly solving their problem or taking it on as yours.
- Do not talk about them to others. If they have shared a problem with the family services staff at the center you can discuss it with them to gain further information to support them.
- Do not share medicines.
Become a Mentor Parent
Sometimes your "thank you" may comes years after you have done this good deed of mentoring another parent.
Parents Helping Parents, Inc., National Center on Parent-Directed Family Resource Centers
PROGRAM FACT SHEET
TITLE: MENTOR VISITING PARENTS (MVPs)
A Parent-to-Parent Program
Mentor Visiting Parents (MVPs) are also known as Mentor Parents, Visiting Parents, Parent Partners, Buddies, Pals, Advocates, Pilot Parents, Support Parents and many other such names across America and around the world.
Resource: "Visiting Parents" is a Peer Counselors Training Workbook by Florene Stewart Poyadue. This complete manual is available through the National Center on Parent-Directed Family Resource Centers. Call or write: PHP-The Family Resource Center, National Center, 3041 Olcott St., Santa Clara, CA 95054-3222; Ph: (408) 727-5775.
(c) Florene Stewart Poyadue, 1991
Revised 1998, PHP-The Family Resource Center
The National Center on Parent-Directed Family Resource Centers
This publication was supported in part by Grant #MCJ-065069-03-1 from the Maternal and Child Health Program (Title V, Social Security Act), Health Resources and Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and Grant #FR9602 from the California State Department of Social Services, Office of Child Abuse Prevention. This does not reflect an endorsement of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, nor the CA State Department of Social Services.
Should you need immediate assistance or a parent-to-parent contact please phone PHP's office at (408) 727-5775. PHP provides a forum for parents and professionals to get information. PHP does not promote or recommend any treatment, therapy, institution or professional.
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